Heavy for the Holidays

Well, it seems that my motivation waxes and wanes just as easily as my indecisive mind about everything!

I love this time of year because it's so pretty and warm and there's TONS of amazing food around every corner, but the other day I felt so disgusting I just thought to myself, enough is enough, not one more gross thing in my mouth! But then here I am today, eating movie theatre popcorn and chocolate. Chalk it up to the weekend. I'll start fresh tomorrow? If only I had a dollar for every time I've said that!

I'm planning on hitting the gym this week multiple times, since I only work a couple days this week, thank god. I need to work on my fitness like nobody's business!

That's the plan, I'm sticking to it, hell or high water!

A Good Week

This week has been good in terms of eating wisely. I haven't went overboard, except for a couple drinks on Friday night. The only problem was, I haven't been working out. It's always one or the other! But I'm confident that I can get on with this. The will power is getting easier to control! Which is good since it's almost Christmas, which means tons of food. This year, I'm keeping it light, not letting my eyes get bigger than my stomach, which is often the case during the holidays.

I was really excited the other day I bought a digital scale for the apartment. It was really pretty, black with flowers outlined in white, but it didn't work properly! I really want to get another one, but the customer service at Zellers told me someone else returned the same scale. Hopefully I'll find another one. Just reading those unwanted numbers is honestly a huge motivator to me. I think that's why I've been eating so well this week.

Besides being completely exhausted from work, I'm feeling inspired to make some goals. I've been writing in my food journal all week and it's been a major help. I feel like I have a lot of weight to lose, but a long term weight loss goal would be to lose the approximate 50-60 pounds by June 2010. Just in time for beach season! I rarely went to the beach the last couple of summers, and I really love it, so I do not want to miss another one!

I was talking with my girl Jasmine the other day about weight loss tips from Weight Watchers that she heard about and a few that came up were:

- Don't eat refined carbs. Things like scones from Tim Hortons and Starbucks that I love, I need to stay away from! Whole wheat bread is better, as well as pasta.

- When at a party, bring a bag or something to carry in one hand, so you are less likely to carry two plates of food around. Smart tip, especially for this time of year!

- Drink lots of water I think was another one. I have a cup beside me right now :)

- Always fill your plate half full with veggies. Eat smaller portions of pasta and meat.

I've always knew these tips (minus the holiday one). They all make sense, and would work with regular exercise to shed pounds. The key is to obviously consume less calories than what you expend via working out. It's time to get this butt moving!

Au Revoir!

Another look at my plan

Apparently I am the queen of saying things and not doing them. I wonder where I learned that from? Thanks dad...Not only do I have to deal with other people letting me down on a fairly regular basis, I'm letting myself down when it comes to my health. I guess there's really no one to blame but me. So here's another look at my plan. I have it literally written down on a piece of paper tucked inside my food journal.

Here's what it says:

Plan of Action
-Cut out alcohol
-Drink more water
-Do cardio 3-5 days/week
-Limit carbs, eat more veggies/fruit
-Don't drink pop
-Stop eating after 7:30-8pm
-Don't go crazy on weekends

It also says that my BMI is 31.1 which according to the index is obese! My healthy weight range should apparently be from 107.8-145.1lbs.

Currently I think I'm still around 180lbs. My goal weight is 120-130lbs. That's a good 50-60lbs. That much weight loss is no small feat. I'm no dummy. It's just sooo freakin' daunting. But I'm living with it everyday. I don't know why this is so hard for me. It's not like I hate the gym, and I love to eat healthy. It makes me feel good about myself. It's not like I hate my body either, I just wish it were smaller. I can't even remember the last time I felt being smaller, except this one time at my dad's a long time ago I was weighing myself after I had a shower and I remember it said 125lbs. It's like that was a dream or something. Oh, to be 13 again!

I also wrote down that if your waist is more than 35in. around, you are unhealthy. I recall measuring and I was not 35 or higher. I like my waist/stomach. It still has some definition even though it's covered in extra pudge... I also recall back in the day when one of my ex-boyfriend's friends said I had nice abs- I was wearing a black meshy top, I think. Also, the girl in school that I admired the most told me I had a cute stomach in the gym change room once. Yay! :) Maybe I should go do some crunches...

For now it's off to work, I'm doing better about not drinking so many high calorie drinks from Starbucks. I have to remember to take it a day at a time!

Working out equals HUNGER!

I went to the gym this afternoon, after getting a fail on my first electronic publishing assignment. I felt like crap. It was good to to relieve some stress on a couple cardio machines.

I worked out for 20 minutes on the stationery bike, and then another 22 minutes on the elliptical. It felt awesome. And there were a few cute guys to look at while I worked away!

I realized that lately I haven't been writing in my food journal. I think I should continue to stay on track, though I've been forgetting. I think I've been eating too much at school and buying too much coffee, and having too many drinks at work. It's time to document to get back on track.

I find that every time I work out, I get super hungry afterward! I know you're supposed to keep up stamina by eating some carbs while you work out, like a banana or chocolate milk, but I was so starving, I'm glad my roommate had supper ready for us when I got home!

I guess that's all for now!

I feel like a Fazzo

Ugh. The last couple days I've been eating like crap. I haven't been eating frequently enough, thanks to running to work every day this weekend. I've mostly consumed Starbucks instead of real nutrients. Last night I had really amazing Mediterranean pasta and garlic bread at Earl's around the midnight hour. Not the greatest plan, considering I woke up 7 hours later still feeling full. Gross. At this point if I don't hit up the gym tomorrow I might as well turn into a hermit or something, because I will not end up looking anything like 'wow'.

However work itself feels like a workout. Weekends are NUTS at that place. I can't understand how people can stand in line a mile long for more than 5 minutes to wait for an overpriced cup of coffee. Really. I don't get it sometimes... Oh well, if you have the time go for it, I guess.

Anyway, I am dead-tired from the day, ready to crash!

September Savvy

Here's a link to an article from Women's Health I found on MSN.CA. It talks about being your own motivation to work out. I liked the advice, since I know working out for my own benefit is the only reason I would go through the effort. On the other hand, I do feel like having outside motivators can be helpful too. For instance, if you have a date next weekend and want to look amazing, you might step up the number of times you enter that sweat-smelling gym. Or if you were getting married and didn't want your extra 'muffin' top to ruin the silhouette of your very expensive wedding gown. Or maybe you want to seek sweet 'revenge' on an awful ex-boyfriend and looking amazing in your LBD (little black dress) while he stands next to the cheap looking girl he cheated on you with could be just the key. Either way, whatever motivation someone has for the gym is validated, as long as it gets you moving.

I realize I am still not taking this venture very seriously- I think I need a workout buddy. I remember last year in Lions a couple of the girls on my floor went with me for a couple weeks, and we stuck to it and I actually did see some results. Those of which that are gone at the moment, but I hope to find soon...very soon! I told myself a while ago that I had until I was 21 to get into the shape I want, and I am still much too far from that goal. My 21st birthday is in about a month, that doesn't leave me a lot of time, but there is still time. I should use this time frame to create a new start point and take it week by week. Starting on September 20th my 4 week plan will commence. I will write before then to determine a weekly plan that I can work with.

For now I am planning on the gym tomorrow after classes. Also, I have to come up with a list of healthier drinks to consume at work. It's true I don't have to consume any of them, but it's nice when I'm in the mood to have some healthier options.

A Sunny Saturday

I like the idea of keeping a food journal. It keeps things I consume in check and I can always refer back to it when I need to remember how I'm doing nutrition wise.

Today I woke up at 12:30, I had a bowl of vanilla almond Special K with skim milk. For a snack later I'll have hummus and veggies, and for supper I'll eat my leftover chicken breast and brussel sprouts. I'm going out for a birthday tonight but I intend on only having a couple low-cal drinks. Something like vodka and orange, not exactly sure. I should look up some 'healthy' bevies.

On the physical front, I went to the gym once this week. It's a pretty small gym, but it was very empty while I was there. I only use the cardio machines because I feel self-conscious about using the weights when there are strange guys standing next to me. I think it's okay to break up a work out and do toning at home where I have privacy. I only went to the gym once this week, so I have to go even more if I want results. For today, my cardio will be dancing tonight, and I'm about to go do some toning with my exercise ball right away.

Back to School

So I'm officially back in Winnipeg, and it feels great! I didn't think I'd ever make it.

I'm happy to have found out today that Red River has a fitness centre! It's small but seemingly perfect. I can't wait to get in there and start going cardio crazy!

Since I just moved into my new place as of yesterday, I'm a bit limited on the grocery front. So today, I ate two pieces of whole wheat toast with pineapple and pear jam and OJ. For lunch I had a quick (and free) hotdog at school with a half of a coke zero. For snack I had some whole grain crackers with hummus, some pretzels, and a piece of the baked dessert that Sharilyn made. For supper I had apple slices and peanut butter. For a movie snack I had a few more pretzels and another piece of that damn dessert...and another coke zero, that I have yet to finish.

My exercise for the day would be walking from graham avenue to Red River-twice. All together that would be about a good 40 minutes, plus all the walking I did at school today, and on the way to and from bus stops. I'm utterly exhausted, after a horrible night's sleep- my new neighbours take the shape of a bar, where they played outdated 90's country (achy breaky heart) really loud with loud applause as accompaniment- Needless to say I had a less than desirable time of slumber. I'm going to bed right away however, and I'm packing some gym clothes so as my lovely college tourguide said today I can "work on my fitness". It's about time. Walking didn't do much for me when I was back home. I hate the idea of running outside, and therefore a good elliptical should do me wonders. I haven't checked lately but I believe I am still at the same weight as last reported. No numbers need be mentioned.

Until next time,

Renee

Mundane Monday

It's another Monday and it feels like a fresh start- yet again. Since I last wrote, it turns out I didn't gain the ten pounds I thought I had (major relief)! So currently I weigh 181 pounds, and my measurements are: Bust- 42.5 inches, Waist- 35 inches, and Hips- 45 inches. The only good thing about this is the fact that when I was looking up my BMI (which is atrocious) it said that an unhealthy waistline is anything more than 35 inches. So I'm just making the cut for being 'healthy'. However, my BMI is 31.1 meaning I am 'obese' according to the chart. My healthy weight range according to my body mass index is 107.8 pounds to 145.1 pounds. I haven't been within my healthy weight range since highschool 3 years ago! I am currently 36 pounds away from the end of the healthy range.

My goal weight will range from 115-130 pounds, meaning I have about 50-65 pounds to go. It's such a large number, yet I feel I won't be satisfied until I reach that weight again. I can remember being 14 and wearing a size 7 jean, a far cry from what I can squeeze into now. I figure if I buckle down and TRULY committ, I can lose about 8-10 pounds a month, and in 6 to 7 months from now I will be where I want to be. Though I am giving myself a year. A year from now to get to atleast 130 pounds.

In order to get to that goal, I have a plan of action which includes the following:

• Cut out some alcohol
• Drink more water
• Do cardio at least 3-5 times a week for at least 30 minutes
• Limit carbs
• Eat more veggies/fruit
• Do not drink pop or sugary juices- only water, tea and milk
  
• Do not consume food after 7:30pm
• Do not forget the rules on weekends!

So far I'm finding the hardest rules to adhere to are cutting the alcohol, keeping up with cardio and the weekend thing. These three are probably the most essential, so I should probably step it up, a million times over. Right now, I'm gonna go work out!

Wasted Weekends

So, I've been living a constant pattern of trying to diet and be healthy during the week but then when the weekend hits, I ditch the food journal and start drinking and eating irresponsibly. I'm still struggling with staying motivated. I wonder if I'll ever man up and start taking this seriously...

I guess right now on the plus side my dad is so lame that there's no food in the fridge, so there goes any worry about temptation. I feel dreadful however in my decision to use my last few free dollars to buy my own snacks-cherry almond chocolate, pretzels and curry flavored rice chips. It all just sounds so appetizing. Maybe I shouldn't write about the indulgent foods I shouldn't be eating.

I've also noticed that I need to start writing in this blog more often. I think since the summer, I may have gained ten pounds. It's horrifying it really is. I can't even stand to think about it, but I'll have to- everyday it is a constant reminder that I must take action to achieve the results I want.

Instead of writing about my inspirations again, I will write down a couple healthy recipes that I want to try.

Thai Chicken Marinade

400 ml can of coconut milk
125 ml (1/2 cup) peanut butter
30 ml (2 tbsp) fish sauce
30 ml (2 tbsp) red or green curry paste
10 ml (2 tsp) granulated sugar
60 ml (1/4 cup) chopped coriander (cilantro)
6-8 chicken breasts

Mix coconut milk, peanut butter, curry paste, lime juice, fish sauce, and sugar. Then stir in coriander. Makes about 360 ml (2 1/4 cups) marinade. Before marinating, cut shallow slashes in chicken breasts. Marinate minimum of 30 minutes to overnight before grilling. Can also be used to marinate 1.5 lbs shrimp (marinate for 30 minutes).
*Serve with jasmine rice or stir fried veggies
*Keep chicken refrigerated while marinating
*Grill 5-7 per side

Banana Cake

3 moist brown bananas
2 eggs
dark brown sugar
grape seed oil or butter
all purpose flour
baking powder
baking soda
cinnamon
nutmeg
walnuts

Mash all ingredients with a masher, butter a cake pan, cook until finished at 350 degrees.

I want to paint my face...

So it is now July 21st and I feel like I've been gaining weight instead of losing.

This is the one thing I want the most but am the least motivated to do. I don't understand myself. I know what it takes to actually do this, but my lazy side takes over and I end up failing day after day. It's a Tuesday on the 3rd week of July, I have about a month and a half before school starts. I know now I've lost the time I thought I had to lose the 60 pounds I wanted. It's a lot easier to complain about the obstacles that face me rather than think about the things I can do to get in shape. For instance, I could go on and on about how I hate that my dad always ends up making me unhealthy dinners, there's nothing healthy to eat in this house at all, I'm always tired from working with the kids all afternoon, or I don't have a gym membership to stay fit. However these are just excuses, and none of them should really be a hindrance if I'm serious about this whatsoever. Seems lately I've given up completely.

On the upside, I bought myself an Ipod finally, so when I go for walks, it's a lot less boring and makes time go by much faster. I knew I wrote before about how I planned to discuss some details of this diet and exercise plan of mine. So here goes.

Currently I weigh about 180lbs, or about 82 kgs according to the doctor. My height is 5'4", so you can see how the extra weight would be obvious by now. My meals of the day have been: 9AM Breakfast: 3 bites of white toast with jam, travel mug with sweetened coffee (btw, this coffee my dad always makes every morning is way too sweet, and I end up getting a stomach ache from it, I should tell him to stop making it!) 12pm Lunch: Liver and onions with gravy and fried mushrooms, mashed potatoes and a white bun and butter. 2pm Snack: apple slices. 5:30pm Supper: two hotdogs with ketchup and mustard, handful of sezchuan chips and grape drink, 6:30pm Snack: raisin bran cereal with 1% milk, white bun with peanut butter. This has not been the greatest day for eating healthy. I just felt so starved after work that I was searching the cupboards for anything I could shove in my mouth.

Judging from the above stated meals of the day, I have to work on eating a lot less carbs than what I have been. I think that's one of my worst habits is eating way too much bread and not enough veggies/fruit. In the past couple of days I've eaten in restaurtants with family or dates, which was satisfying but the meal portions were of course way too big, though I didn't finish my pasta at Olive Garden on Sunday. The breadsticks at that place are a huge weakness however. Currently my size is about a 14. Truthfully I suppose it could be much worse but for me this is as far as I'm letting myself go. I hate being repetitive but I miss being a size 7 and 130lbs. I'm not used to have love handles and extra belly fat. I find myself trying to cover certain body parts with certain types of clothing and I don't remember ever doing it in the past. It's just another sign that I know I've got to lose this weight.

I guess that's all I have to rant about today. I thought I would catch up for lost time.
Until next time... I'm still trying.

Not my best

It's the middle of June and I am a complete failure at this.

The only thing that seems to be constant is the sense of guilt and disappointment I feel after everytime I don't work out or eat something unhealthy. I have to develop a stronger sense of willpower and determination if this is really going to work. I have such a huge goal and I am nowhere near it at this point. On the bright side, I have found a cut out from a magazine that showed me some new exercises and healthy recipes. Also, I found out there's a farmer's market in my town tomorrow morning. Stocking up on healthy ingredients should be a source of motivation I'm (desperately) hoping.

It's easier for me to complain about the obstacles in my way rather than the ways that I can make this happen. I really want to be in better shape. There are tons of reasons, that apparently with every mis-step I keep forgetting. Let's take a stroll down memory lane to see what my original reasons are for wanting to lose weight and become a healthier me:

1) better health- I'm currently sitting at around a horrid 180lbs. That's 20 lbs away from 200. It's disgusting really. And my BMI is telling me I'm highly overweight. I want to vomit every time I think about this. Also, I pretend to myself that the scale is wrong...

2) I want to look better and feel sexier again. I think this is extremely important for self confidence and the way I carry myself. I don't want to feel self conscious anymore. I mean I'm sure I always will but I haven't felt completely fabulous in a while.

3) I want to dance. A fat dancer is not pretty. I need to be in shape to do what I love, and I truly miss it. I haven't danced in a class in such a long time. And being self conscious of my weight is really a setback.

4) A successful career- I believe being in better shape and losing the 60 odd pounds I'm hoping to will lead to better career success in the future. I wish to find an exciting job doing something fun and original. I don't want my size to hold me back.

5) I want to share my friends clothes again! I'd love to fit my sister's jeans, a size 5/7 would be awesome. I know size shouldn't matter, but it'd just be a lot easier than having to go buy new stuff everytime I want something different. Plus it'd just be fun!

6) Love. Okay, this sounds completely lame and shallow but I think it's true that if I took better care of myself, loved myself more, love and a relationship would be easier to find. Nobody wants to date someone who's lacking in self confidence, it's just not sexy or fun.

So, I think those are about all the main reasons for my wanting/needing to do this. I know I haven't written in a while either. It's obvious that sticking things through is not my strong point. With each day or week that passes I have to remind myself that this is important to me. I've already pictured myself failing and ending my summer with no results. I hate when I do that. For now, a short term goal is 20-25 pounds gone by the end of summer. That would mean I would be hoping for a weight of 160-155lbs. Still not my major goal, but closer nonetheless.
I need to get off my ass and make some change! I'll be happier for it in the end!

Recovery Mode

So, I was sick for a few days which meant I didn't have much energy to work out. It's harder than it seems. Or I'm just really weak when it comes to trying to really do this.

I find the weather has a lot to do with whether I do any cardio or not. I don't have a gym membership in town here, I did in the city but I had to move back home. :( If it's rainy or too cold outside I do NOT wanna be out there! I think I should get creative and just run up and down my stairs a few times. After writing about this for a couple minutes I'm suddently getting motivated. I guess the blog is working... Also, I just saw the new trailer for Transformers Two... Megan Fox should be my inspiration...

See ya!

Some helping hands!

So, as I've been having trouble getting motivated, I asked Mel for help.
She created a work out regimen that is different from what I usually do. Instead of just crunches and leg lifts and walking, we added jogging, squats, planks, penguins, and other awesome toning exercises that should help me out this summer! Also I've decided to stop eating after seven pm, cut out some alcohol, cut out some breads, eat less meat and more veggies and fruit. I hope I can manage to stay constant with everything. Dieting sucks, and it seems like when I'm bored all I wanna do is eat! I have to remember what my main reasons are, and that I need to get healthy again.

In the mean time I'm watching Clueless for diet inspiration! Alicia Silverstone in mini skirts is sure to do the trick! Also, I just ordered a new bikini from Victoria Secret!

The race is on! Wish me (more) luck!

Renee xo

Another Sunday

Sundays always make me feel like I have another chance for a new start. Sundays mean the end of one week and the start of a brand new one. That's why tonight I went to Shoppers (my very favorite drug store!) to search around for healthy snacks and fitness mags to increase my get fit motivation. I hope being slightly frivolous will actually help me...we will see.

Also, another inspiration is watching Sex and the City episodes. Every leading lady on the show is in super good shape, and I admire them so much. The fashion, the witty lines, the style, and the city are all great inspiration to me to finally get in shape. Another real-life inspiration is my friend Mel. We went walking today on one of the first days that felt like summer, and her legs in shorts look amazing! I WISH I was that toned and sleek. Damn her for inheriting good genes. I wish I had the same luck. Of course I know, If I really want it, I have to work for it! And I need to truly try harder! I don't want this to be another wasted summer!

I think losing weight would be easier if I scheduled my days by routine. That's why it'd be great if I got the bank teller job at Credit Union for the summer. That way I'd be at work during the day and my evenings and weekends would be free to work out and keep my diet on track. I know it's just an excuse, since if I really want this it shouldn't matter what my schedule is, but I still think it'd be easier.

Another reason to work my ass off and get in shape is dating. I haven't been on a real date in a long time, and I kind of really miss having a boyfriend. I know it's kind of difficult since I've been going back and forth between the city and Portage every summer, but still... the summers make me crave that type of connection that I haven't had in a long time. I think If I was smaller (and therefore cuter!) I would meet someone equally as cute and awesome! I thought I did meet someone cute and awesome but he turned into an asshole. I really hate thinking that all guys are jerks...but the ones I end up with usually are, and that just makes me think that its my fault. It's a little depressing to think about. Either way, I gotta go... Let's hope this week turns out better! I need willpower!

xoxo Renee

Major Fail

Well, today was not a good day to say the least. I woke up, called in sick to work because I feel like supreme crap, can barely move my head and I'm all stuffed up. And then, I got the biggest craving for pizza, so I went out and got one, and ate the whole thing myself. Apparently I forgot about my reasons to eat healthy and exercise. Hopefully today was my only slip day. Definitely tomorrow I will go for a walk or a run, and work out hard. I need to get serious about this. I can't blame being sick, but it is true that being sick keeps me unmotivated to move an inch.

I was watching So You Think You Can Dance earlier tonight, and wow... I don't think I'll ever get there. I guess I'm just one of those people that will be an admiring observer...at least that's how it feels now.

On a different note... I think I make a song list of work out songs- a new inspiration! And the first song is...
1) Lose Yourself- Eminem
2) Sugar- Flo Rida ft. Wynter
3) Don't trust me- 3 Oh! 3
4) Fashion- Lady Gaga
5) Maneater- Nelly Furtado

Those are sure to get me pumped up and into gear!

A True Attempt

This is my first ever blog, aside from old myspace posts, and facebook notes. I'm happy to have an outlet that will allow me to write on a consistent basis. I think it's important for me, as my creative side has been lacking lately.

I'm hoping this blog will serve as not only a creative outlet, but a motivational tool for getting in shape. It's about time! So many times I've tried and failed, started and stopped, all but got to where I want to be. I don't like being one of those people who start things and don't follow through, so maybe writing everyday and tracking my progress will become beneficial.

So, my main reasons for losing weight and getting in shape are:

• Be healthy- my blood pressure has been too high lately, and I've been advised to drop a few pounds. Nothing is worse than when a doctor tells you you're too fat
• Look better- of course we all want to look our best. I remember the days when I weighed a lot less and fit smaller clothes. I miss those days too much!
• Improve confidence- I feel like I have pretty decent self-confidence, though being in better shape would make me feel great all the time
• Dance- No true dancer is fat, it just does not look good. How can I join a class and feel like I fit in if I don't try harder?
  
• Score a hot date- Okay, as bad as this sounds, it's true. I think If I got in shape, improved confidence, it would alter what kind of guys I attract. Who knows, maybe I'll end up in a real relationship...

I guess that's it for now. It's a Monday, the perfect day to start something new. Today I had a salad for supper, and worked out at home. I'll post more details later.

Gotta get my sexy back!