I want to paint my face...

So it is now July 21st and I feel like I've been gaining weight instead of losing.

This is the one thing I want the most but am the least motivated to do. I don't understand myself. I know what it takes to actually do this, but my lazy side takes over and I end up failing day after day. It's a Tuesday on the 3rd week of July, I have about a month and a half before school starts. I know now I've lost the time I thought I had to lose the 60 pounds I wanted. It's a lot easier to complain about the obstacles that face me rather than think about the things I can do to get in shape. For instance, I could go on and on about how I hate that my dad always ends up making me unhealthy dinners, there's nothing healthy to eat in this house at all, I'm always tired from working with the kids all afternoon, or I don't have a gym membership to stay fit. However these are just excuses, and none of them should really be a hindrance if I'm serious about this whatsoever. Seems lately I've given up completely.

On the upside, I bought myself an Ipod finally, so when I go for walks, it's a lot less boring and makes time go by much faster. I knew I wrote before about how I planned to discuss some details of this diet and exercise plan of mine. So here goes.

Currently I weigh about 180lbs, or about 82 kgs according to the doctor. My height is 5'4", so you can see how the extra weight would be obvious by now. My meals of the day have been: 9AM Breakfast: 3 bites of white toast with jam, travel mug with sweetened coffee (btw, this coffee my dad always makes every morning is way too sweet, and I end up getting a stomach ache from it, I should tell him to stop making it!) 12pm Lunch: Liver and onions with gravy and fried mushrooms, mashed potatoes and a white bun and butter. 2pm Snack: apple slices. 5:30pm Supper: two hotdogs with ketchup and mustard, handful of sezchuan chips and grape drink, 6:30pm Snack: raisin bran cereal with 1% milk, white bun with peanut butter. This has not been the greatest day for eating healthy. I just felt so starved after work that I was searching the cupboards for anything I could shove in my mouth.

Judging from the above stated meals of the day, I have to work on eating a lot less carbs than what I have been. I think that's one of my worst habits is eating way too much bread and not enough veggies/fruit. In the past couple of days I've eaten in restaurtants with family or dates, which was satisfying but the meal portions were of course way too big, though I didn't finish my pasta at Olive Garden on Sunday. The breadsticks at that place are a huge weakness however. Currently my size is about a 14. Truthfully I suppose it could be much worse but for me this is as far as I'm letting myself go. I hate being repetitive but I miss being a size 7 and 130lbs. I'm not used to have love handles and extra belly fat. I find myself trying to cover certain body parts with certain types of clothing and I don't remember ever doing it in the past. It's just another sign that I know I've got to lose this weight.

I guess that's all I have to rant about today. I thought I would catch up for lost time.
Until next time... I'm still trying.